Suzy Snapper
Monday, January 02, 2006
Backward and Forward
I wasn't going to do a retrospective of 2005, let alone a resolution list for 2006 but have been drawn back to the thought time and time again today. There's something sort of soothing or comforting in writing it all down and having it saved for prosperity.

2005 was a year of extreme highs and lows. Some memories will stay with me forever, and some I will quite happily block out and try never to remember again. One that stays constant though is the knowledge that just a small thing such as blogging has opened up my life to some absolutely wonderful people. People who I can truly call friends and I am richer for the experience.

Who would have thought a year ago I'd be meeting Teresa in Vegas in February? Now, I'm just counting the days!

Looking back....

January - We welcomed Alexander James into our life on January 3, when my niece gave birth to her son. He has been a constant joy and I have found myself in awe of him many times. I was diagnosed with a blocked kidney, giving explanation to many health issues I'd been experiencing. And of course, Thomas* arrived in Iraq for his deployment.

February - I was laid off after 10 years at my job on Groundhog Day and had surgery to correct the blocked duct 4 days later. Most of the month was spent in convalescence and just detoxing in general. Hayley turned 3. Reunited with an old friend that I hadn't spoken with in years. She returned to my life as if she'd never left and I am glad.

March - My brother, a 25 year veteran police officer, had a heart attack on the 16th. It was a huge wakeup call to us all to take every moment for the gift that it is. He recovered, but is now driving a desk instead of a patrol car.

April - I took a 6 month temp job as a steel buyer on a whim because I was getting bored at home while I tried to figure out what I was going to do when I grew up. The job's still going. My best friend and her boyfriend got engaged.

May - My niece Melissa was married in a beautiful ceremony at a local golf course. Spent 48 hours not knowing Thomas' whereabouts when his unit suffered a casualty. It gave me a exquisitely painful insight that will never leave me.

June - Tried golfing for the first time and tore my meniscus. Found out first hand how sad our medical system is when you aren't considered critical. Am still awaiting surgery 7 months later. My Mom turned 70 and became very ill the next day when her emphysema decided to up it a notch. It changed all our lives and she is now dependant on oxygen treatments.

July - My friend Teresa came for a visit from San Francisco to spend Canada Day. We had fantabulous times, including whale watching, a pub crawl and Bard on The Beach. Celebrated one year of my involvment with Thomas. Was referred to a surgeon for my knee - the appointment to be in December! In the world news, it was London's turn for sorrow and Chuck Cadman, an amazing Canadian politian passed away.

August - Found out the person I thought Thomas was didn't exist. Upon counselling him through his redeployment decision, I found out he was still very much married. Obviously, it was not one of the highlights of my life and all I can say is that I have learned much. And on the positive side, I can take away my newfound appreciation for supporting the military. I joined Angels N Camoflauge to redirect my support to a more useful situation.

September -Began taking my writing and photography courses, and found it opened up a door inside me that made me feel whole. I haven't looked back. I had my birthday and found myself looking into a mirror and liking what was staring back.

October - Ended up with major complications to a root canal done in August, including a bone infection. It not only cost me a lot financially, but also job wise as they were not pleased with my work absences. I complained and won compensation.

November -I completed my goal of 50,000 words in NaNoWriMo. The story is left unfinished but still has some life in it. Completing this got me over the word fright I had been experiencing and I now know it's only me that stands in the way of making my writing dreams happen. Found out that Molly has hip dysplasia. Had my blog-iversary.

December - Finally saw the surgeon on December 6, after a nearly 6 month wait. Was diagnosed with a bad meniscus tear and signed up for surgery to occur within the next 10 weeks. Unfortunately fell again on December 20, further tearing the meniscus and also now the MCL. I am now unable to walk without crutches. Every step I take now is carefully measured in my mind before I take it. Is it worth the discomfort or not? Fingers crossed surgery can come sooner rather than later. Started to explore the possibilities of dating again, with some major trepidation. It's hard to take a risk when you remember a little too easily what that can cause. Thomas, over the past few days, has chosen to try to reconcile with me - assuring me that the divorce will proceed upon his return. I have chosen to decline and have no intention of looking back.

*I have always referred to Thomas as Todd in my blog up until today. This was because I felt I needed to somehow protect him. It's a small world, and I just wasn't comfortable. But in doing so, I always felt odd. Therefore, I will no longer do that. Make up pseudonyms for my real life. Pseudonyms are fine in fiction, but not here.

If I've learned one thing, it's to keep positive as much as possible. A lot more can be accomplished that way, but some days it's not been an easy thing to do. I have learned to rely on myself a lot more as well and have found my independant streak has become extremely strong. To the point I need to be conscious of it, lest I not open myself to new opportunities.

While I don't have true resolutions, some of the things I do want to work on this year are:

  • continuing and increasing my blog friendships. I lurk more than I should and I need to stop that and let people know I enjoy what they do.
  • Write more. Query magazines. Get more involved in writing forums and writing workshops.
  • Photography. Learn enough to have prints of a quality I could give as gifts or ones that not just I am proud of, but invoke feelings in others.
  • Let myself open up for the possibility of a new relationship. Try not to let the burns of the past scar my future. Easier said than done, though.
  • Travel when I can. I used to travel a lot but for a variety of reasons, haven't. I need to work on that.
  • Cut down on my shopaholic tendancies. Now that I know that it's a substitute for things missing in my life, I need to recognize that and find other outlets.
Wow, a New Year. The possibilities are endless!

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer trapped in a corporate buyer's body. Steel shopping by day, and freeflowing prose by night. One day I hope to have the nights become my days, but am intimidated by the sheer amount of people who share my dream. So I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.
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