I am still trying to get my head around the fact that we leave in less than a week. I'm mildly..and at times, not so mildly..panicking that something will be forgotten, or go wrong or change. Or that I won't have the house ready for my parents to housesit. Or that my pup's current medical issue won't resolve itself in time.
There's so much to do. Yesterday, I lost an entire day as I had to work. It should have been a 6 hour day but ended up being 9. It was an inventory count and by the time, I got home last nght, it was all I could do to lay on the couch and watch movies. "Forrest Gump" was on...I could watch that movie daily and still not get enough! This morning, my back is more than a little irritated but I don't have time to worry about it.
In just a couple hours, it's our princess party for Ms. Thang. Of course, I'm going as the paparazzi. Twenty 5-year-old girls. I can't wait!
This week will go by quickly with preparations to travel, so the light blogging will continue. For those of you that I hope to meet during my trip, we'll be in touch over email.
become this in nothing short of a blink of an eye?
Ms. Thang turns 5 tomorrow. 5 going on 16. She can be the sassiest, wittiest little girl, and in the next minute giving the best cuddles.
5 years ago tonight, we were on our drive to Alberta in the middle of mudslides, avalanches and white out conditions. What should have been 10 hours was closer to 27.
For her mom, it was a hard night. She wanted her family there but we weren't. We didn't expect such a long trip and even more so, such a quick labour. This little girl came into the world in just under 2 hours. Her mom, just a very young 19, grew up very quickly in that moment. Her dad did too. He was a little older at 22 but the world changed in that moment.
Creed's 'With Arms Wide Open' will always bring back memories of seeing T holding his daughter in our hotel room right after they were released from the hospital.
Now, it's 5 years later. 5 years that have brought our family closer than any other event could have. Deaths, drama and strife had just given us moments of familial unity, but that would fade once we got back to our regular routines. But this baby? There was no fading back. She made us all come together for good.
I watch her now. So sure of herself, so unassuming and accepting of the fact that we are her family. She has no idea how much a catalyst she was for that. I wonder if she ever will.
She has a boyfriend, you know. His name is Taryn. He's from her preschool class. If you mentioned his name, she blushes the most beautiful pink.
Happy birthday, baby girl.
I've decided to try my hand at stock photography. After researching a few sites, I decided on 123rf.com.
The premise of stock photography is to produce commercially viable images to be used in brochures, advertisements and other business documents. They must be a certain size, clarity and composition.
So far, I've uploaded 47 and 43 have been accepted to my portfolio for sale to potential customers. The 4 that were refused were for low commercial value, poor lighting or incorrect sizing. Which means, the 43 that were accepted were commercially viable.
It's been a big boost and while I know I won't get rich, it's good to know my photography meets a certain criteria.
If you want to see my portfolio, check here.
with a little bit of Murphy's Law mixed in.
Combining the apres-virus with trip preparations and a few home renovations has made for a very busy few days. Not to mention the reunion planning and a few photography developments as well.
The good news is the floor is tiled. I got a great deal on some porcelain tiles and my brother and his son-in-law did the work. Tomorrow the grout will go in and the toilet will go back in place. YAY! Right now, a toilet in the bathtub causes all sorts of annoyance.
Where does Murphy's Law factor in? Well, my pup...not such a pup anymore at 7-1/2 but she will always be to me. She has hip displaysia. It doesn't cause too many problems as long as I keep her medication up, but she does have some nerve damage in her hind end. This translates to bladder infections, as she is unable to feel the 'urge' and cannot control herself at times. From time to time, the infection builds up when she hasn't been able to fully relieve herself. This would be the week that it happened again. So this weekend, I have been on the floor on my hands and knees scrubbing with Lysol. Each and every square inch, only to look up and see yet another line of drips. She can't help it, and I know she's in discomfort so all I can do is get back down and scrub again. Most of my house is hardwood with the exception of my bedroom. During the night, she had a major accident and it looked for a bit like I would have to replace the carpet. When pennies are as tight as they are now, it was enough to make me feel very stressed.
We were intending to have the weekly family dinner at my house, but with the dog being the way she is and a decidedly pungent smell that still lingers, it was moved back to my brothers. The thought of the two kids, 7 adults and a sick dog was a little too overwhelming. That left me again feeling very guilty, as I wanted to do the dinner myself for once.
Trip planning is going very well, and with the exception of the cold weather on the east coast, I can't wait for this holiday. Sorely needed after a couple or three fairly stressful years!
And with that I now must get back to work. Will try to update more frequently.
The virus has morphed into a sinus/throat infection. Unfortunately that has meant wicked migraines the like I've almost forgotten were possible. I was out of Imitrex so had been trying to manage it with Tylenol #3 and that's not been very successful. Doesn't help much either that I have been pulling overtime all week covering for a coworker who fell snowboarding.
Tonight, I'm feeling somewhat improved - at least enough to be near the light of the computer anyhow.
My niece was good though. After my little meltdown last weekend, she came over one night this week and made me dinner. Such a sweet gesture from a girl who seldom thinks outside of her own little realm. Could she actually be growing up? We talked about our impending trip to Washington and New York. It's coming up so quickly, and I am just hoping the weather starts to warm up soon on that side of the continent.
Now the other story. My experience has taught me, rather painfully, not to expect things to have neat, perfect little endings. That's not to say I don't believe in fate, destiny or storybook endings. However, the reason those situations make good stories is because they're few and far between. Life seldom works the way you envision it. Still, I would be lying if I said I was letting it go. Far from it, actually. Simply trying to be realistic.
I have thought so much about our situation, and him. Of the good times and the bad. The ball is in his court right now. I haven't heard back from him since last weekend so time will tell.
Would I go there for a visit? In a heartbeat. Could I? Sadly no. Finances are not what they used to be. I am hanging onto the possibility of him travelling here again. He's in a better situation to do so, considering his business relates directly to the line of work I'm in. A business trip is certainly not out of the question.
A funny thing though. The other morning driving to work, I looked down at my hand and realized my ring was gone. Our ring. After all this recent revival and nearly a decade, it appeared I'd lost it. I was surprised at how hard I took it, even feeling a lump in my throat as my heart raced at the thought of it being gone. With all that had transpired, why did I lose it NOW? When I got home, I went upstairs and found it lying in my bed. It's not loose enough to fall off, so I must have removed it during my sleep. If that doesn't speak to how much this is affecting me, I don't know what does.
I am not giving up though. Just switching gears a bit. Call it a defense mechanism, or call it jaded. I just need to be a little careful here...those scars on my heart are still scabbed over and the bruising still evident.
It's funny how the words you always hoped to hear can have a terrifying effect rather than an exciting one.
He is well and living close to where he used to, although no longer with the family. He remembers every little details of his time in Canada and his memories of our time together are strong.
He hasn't found the ability to feel love again either.
His mom is still living, although in the photograph I found on the internet, I must admit that time hasn't been kind to her. I truly thought that was their grandmother in the picture. She has lived a difficult life, and her aged looks are a testiment to that . He strength through adversity was always something I admired - even if it went against what I wanted.
Unfortunately, it was his stepfather - a jovial, friendly man that is no longer with us. He passed of cancer only a short time ago. Heartbreakingly after he and Q had only begun to built a relationship after a tumultuous stretch at odds of each other.
Where do we go from here? Sadly, that's what's bothering me. I simply have no idea. I can't move there. He can't move here. So we sit again - checkmate.
Of course, this only means a HEAP of guilt as I'm still doing a lot for my parents. We were supposed to have a family dinner at my brother's on Sunday, but I was too sick to drive them. The dinner got cancelled...but not with a LOT of guilt from both my brother and my mother that they weren't able to get together because of me. It's frustrating. I really don't want to complain - we are so incredibly lucky to have my Dad with us and that's something I cherish every day, but the rest of the family simply doesn't seem to realize that he is still not well. Nor likely will ever be.
Sure, he's improved vastly but he's still not great. He can't drive at night either. If they ever want to go anywhere, it's up to me to get them there. Ahh, such is life. I'm sure it's just this virus that's making me so grumpy.
I have heard from South Africa. I'm still processing where I am as the letter was heartwarming, yet gutwrenching at the same time. We both still feel the same. However, there is still no solution to the problem. I can't help but think 'Be Careful What You Wish For'.
Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer trapped in a corporate buyer's body. Steel shopping by day, and freeflowing prose by night. One day I hope to have the nights become my days, but am intimidated by the sheer amount of people who share my dream. So I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.
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