Still finding it a hard struggle in the recovery cycle.

I saw the surgeon again on Tuesday, and the man dismissed every complaint and concern that I had. I told him I couldn't stand up properly nor walk, and even the mere thought of a shower scared me because I was so unstable. He told me I was fine and signed the order for the return to work.

I thought, he's a smart man. Must be me. Suck it up, and get on with it.

So I went to work yesterday. It was an unmitigated disaster. I couldn't get up the stairs to get to my desk, and once I finally did, was scared to move again lest I fall. The swelling was intense and the pain absolutely insane. The subsequent drive home was terrifying. I came into a corner a wee bit too fast and found I did not have the reflexes to hit the brakes to slow down. It came extremely close to me going into the ditch - the same ditch several people have died in car accidents over the years. By the time I got home, I was a basket case and worse yet, felt like a failure. The doctor said I'd be fine, right? Well then, I must be...keep pushing.

On top of it all, I have developed a chest infection from the anaesthetic. Apparently, a common reaction but not fun. I sound very rough and can't stop coughing.

So today, I decided to take one more day of recovery and go see my own doctor. She was shocked that the surgeon would have signed me off, but then again, it made sense. Looks good on his record...another successful surgery with a return to work 1 week following. Whether it was true or not, it was no flaw on his record now that I was off his books.

She has ordered me off work until March 15. It is a high possibility I will lose my job over this, and I am trying not to let that get me. On one hand, I have some serious issues with this job and don't see it as my long term career - but I would rather leave on my own terms and I am not quite ready to do that.

Now I sit here and try to craft a letter to my bosses to give them an opportunity to have me work from home. I don't know if it will work, but it puts the ball in their court. If they chose no longer to require my services, at least I will know that I have given them the option.

If only I could stop feeling so sick about this whole mess, I'd be fine.