I've been thinking a lot in the last 24 hours. It has been difficult to process a lot of things but even harder still when presented with pure ignorance.

I have debated, once again, writing about some of the conversations I've had in the past 24 hours because I was concerned about offending anyone who reads this blog. But then it dawned on me. This is MY blog. MY feelings. No one seemed concerned yesterday about how I felt.

Yesterday, I went to work feeling very sad about the previous night's occurances. I called my niece as quickly as I was able to in the morning and found out the inside track of the story. I won't recant here out of respect to those involved, except to say this is a deep tragedy on all levels. There have been three incidents in that department this week alone. One fellow officer was hit by a drunk driver during a roadblock and is now left seriously broken in the hospital. Another fellow officer found out his child had inoperable brain cancer.

So to have this tragedy hit was jarring to even the most senior members.

I came into work and most people knew my brother was a member of that particular department. There were a few that were more than sympathetic. It's interesting to note, though, that those were people with military or police backgrounds themselves.

Meanwhile, some of the most ignorant comments I've heard left me raw and hurting the rest of the day.

One of my colleaques, upon hearing the story, asked (with attempted sincerity), "Is it really true that officers have ticket quotas? And when they're finished they can go home?"

I scoffed. I didn't realize anyone believed that urban legend any longer.

A girl beside her piped in "Yes, they do. I know they do".

"Absolutely not", I responded - probably sharper than I should have, "Where do you get that information?"

She was ready to debate it. I however was not. Simply said, I growled at her something to the effect of when she has actually proof, come talk to me.

My boss was a bigger agitator. "Can you believe in this storm that when I drove past the police department I saw at least TWELVE uniformed officers in a MEETING in a lit room when all the rest of us were dealing with power outages? What gives them the right to use a generator when the rest of us suffer?"

Um, your safety?

I said "Don't you think it's more effective for them to actually meet to discuss their plan during a storm that to go off without any direction at all?"

He continued "Well, they should have closed the blinds or something."

Excuse me?

Not many people understood the impact of the shooting itself and that was a little hard to take. Oh, it's part of the job, I heard. Sure, the job itself is more dangerous than most but a shooting of a friend does not make it any less painful.

Think of that guy that you have coffee with at your office. The one you don't really know but say hi to in the halls.

Now imagine him being shot during the work day and watching the paramedics perform CPR right in front of you.

Not so easy to take.

I am just so tired of arguing. Of defending. There are bad apples in every profession. People who colour reputations of an entire profession. Accountants are boring, Sales people are aggresive. It doesn't mean everyone is and it's a disservice to think so.

Tonight is my Christmas party. I am in two minds about it, but since I've been asked to do the photography I will go. I hope it will give me a few hours of enjoyment in what has been a truly challenging couple of days.

(oh, and by the way, I did jinx myself after all....)