Suzy Snapper
Saturday, May 13, 2006
A Record

Where to even begin? So many things have changed and are changing, and I don't know where to start.

Thanks, though, for those of you still checking in on me. I appreciate it more than I can even tell you. I think of you all often. You've all warmed my heart. Thank you.

My unemployment was over quicker than I ever could have expected. When I came to the realization than my time at the previous post was done, and that there was no chance that the Dude and I could stay in the same place in a productive manner, I thought it would be a good chance to take a little time to myself and get my life back in order.

That was not to be, but for good reasons. As I mentioned in my last post WAY too long ago, I had begun throwing out resumes to various agencies and companies. I was surprised to find the job market in procurement is extremely hot at the moment and my 17 years of experience and ability to write a strong resume opened doors quickly.

Suffice to say, my unemployment lasted about 6 hours. I left my company on Friday, April 28 and was offered my new position around 2pm the following Monday. I am now a senior buyer with a company that produces products for the forestry industry. My last year spent learning the ins and outs of railroad manufacturing and now I am turning the page and find myself procuring debarkers, chippers and stranders. It will be a bit of learning curve to say the least.

They wanted me to start immediately, but I negotiated a short break between. Not at all long enough, but when opportunity knocks, sometimes it doesn't do so on your agenda. I began last Thursday. I have a little office with a door at the end of the hall. I have also negotiated a raise better than I could have anticipated, and a strong benefit package. It is a good move on paper and although the commute is longer, it's in a decent area and it's a good and growing company.

Unfortunately though, I've found myself struggling. It's only been two days, but between the whirlwind of recent times, and not really giving myself time to settle, I have felt a little melancholy. I am the new kid on the block once again...have to put on that brave, smiling face and be as witty and charming as possible. This time, it's not a temp job so this is for real. First impressions are important and I am deeply aware my every move is being evaluated. It will take time, and I am sure it will get better...just now is difficult.

The Dude. There is unfinished business and it's wearing on me more than I want it to. While things disintegrated in a vulgar and nasty manner, I am not one that can stay angry for long - even in the worst cases. Sometimes that's an asset but often it can be fault. Just before I left, I tried to mend fences and sent him a note of appreciation for him being there for me during a tumultuous year. I ended it with 'While I am keenly aware that our friendship is fractured, I hope that will not always be the case.' When I came into work after sending that, he was cordial - well more than cordial..downright friendly. I felt appeased that maybe we could forge a friendship once again.

Then came the last day. The budding friendship of the previous days was gone and he was stoic and distant. As I was leaving, his boss and a few coworkers were saying good bye, and he came by, took a look and turned on his heel and walked the other way. Not even so much as a nod, or a word and that's the last I saw of him.

I need to let this go. I know that. But for the time being, I can't. Yes, it was toxic. Wrong for many reasons, most of which I can't go into on this public forum, but I just can't. I miss him more each day, and that fact is frustrating me. Starting this new job has brought it home deeply. The industry is small, and the people at my new company know many of the people at my last one. Our paths will without doubt need to cross again, likely in both a professional and personal manner. I left my work yesterday feeling very sad. Time heals. It will just take time.

Moving on...there are so many other things going on right now, it is hard to keep track. My aunt spent a month in the hospital recovering from a stroke but is now home. It was challenging to visit her every day, and I'm glad she is now well enough to stay on her own. Physically, she is doing extremely well...but mentally, it will take some time. This scared her and realizing she is now the same age her mother was when she passed is tough on the psyche.

My knee is still giving me problems. I have developed a knee cap issue that gives me some discomfort and secondary scar tissue. So I take it one day at a time. I had hoped this would be long over, but it seems it's not. I can still walk better than before the operation though, and am confident I will regain that mobility with time. I push myself...trying to use my camera as a surrogate crutch. I go on photo missions, and that helps. The picture on this entry was taken Wednesday evening about 100 yards from my front door. It may not be long treks but everything helps.

I am hoping to get back to blogging properly again. I feel like I have neglected my writing, even in the most minute form for a long time and that needs to change. Now that I'm in my new job and the forseeable future is more stable, I should be able to get things back into a rythym. Wish me luck!

Vancouver, British Columbia
A patriotic Canadian full of visions of a better Canada, random thoughts and a lot of hot air. Who am I? A struggling writer and photographer trapped in a corporate buyer's body. Steel shopping by day, and freeflowing prose by night. One day I hope to have the nights become my days, but am intimidated by the sheer amount of people who share my dream. So I read. A lot. I learn. A lot. I push myself. A lot. The world is a small place, and getting smaller every day. I'm proud to have friends in every corner of the earth, and abide by the old adage that there are no strangers, only friends we haven't met yet.
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from cdnsue. Make your own badge here.